If you can count how many chocolate chips you ate, you're not eating enough of them.

Seth says he pigged out on a bowl of chocolate chips on the table. Then, true to form, he says he ate ten.

Seth is 23% packed

is this an abuse of the quote wall? maybe.

The mayo is about the worst thing I can imagine. It's a healthier choice than motor oil. Or getting shot.

Seth objects to Hellman's "Smart Choice" label

i am slightly concerned about which apple products to buy right now...should i just mail them a check for 2 grand and see what i get back?

OH NO!! THEY SENT ME A NEWTON!!!

i am behind on 30 rock, but they just made fun of subway, and that made me think what complicated feelings you must have had about that episode.

like a bridge over troubled water, seth sends his condolences in my hour of need.

"if you're polite, you won't find out exactly what this shirt says"

seth's t-shirt suggestion

it's a skin product for people who are just dying to buy a skin product but have no obvious problems with their skin?

Seth questions the headline: "too old for acne but too young for wrinkles"

where's the vegan food? where's the superficial environmentalism? where's the irony? where's the frikkin' lou reed album?

coffee, a newspaper, and an eclectic movie do not an "indie lazy weekend" make.

remember how you were full from eating a marshmallow?

amy questions seth's ability to tackle:

candy filled pancakes
stuffed in a waffle
baked inside a cake
frosted
encased in ice cream
smothered with hot fudge and whipped cream

If your name was Cilantro, would that be the main course you served at your wedding?

Seth reasons that even if he were to marry someone named Baby's Breath, it would not be their wedding flower.

It's gonna be snowing. That's a terrible time to take the pig to FedEx.

Seth's nephew will have to go a little bit longer without the gift Seth bought him a year and a half ago.

I usually make this in a Nalgene, which I think violates one of the principles of "How not to get cancer from a Nalgene."

Seth likes to microwave his Nalgene hot chocolate.

'hey, did you hear 'ryan seacrest in love' was the #3 item on google trends yesterday?'

Seth discovers the path to a woman's heart depends on the girl. Ask her out...don't ask her out...hang out...send emails.

Maybe you thought he was joking, but for the record, emails citing google "hot trends" stats are enough to woo this blog's co-author.

i disabled smells in my control panel

Seth explains why Google's new "scratch and sniff" technology didn't work for him.

this does not truly count as "getting up," but is more like "falling out of bed in the middle of the day because the sun just won't go away."

seth on the "the time you will have to get out of bed to be there by 11:40am"

I guess it's time to start bathing more than once a week.

Peer pressure can be constructive, I guess.

you young kids never complain

Seth's High Society elderly neighbor tells him what is wrong with kids today.

I learned a few things last night. The first was that at least one of my roommates is not in the habit of knocking before opening the bathroom door.

The second thing Seth learned is not something I know how to repeat in writing.

Singles wards are the flypaper of the church.

Me: Why do all these flies continue to land on that gross flypaper? Can't they see that all their friends on it are dead?

Seth: Why do singles continue to go to singles wards? Can't they see that none of their friends ever get married?

So if she actively wants to do that, then more power to her. And more power to me for being so interesting to people.

Seth on the chance of "off the record" chats being saved.